How you lost touch with your body

Much earlier than when you stopped taking care of yourself — back in childhood.

When you were first made to doubt your own feelings. You wanted to cry — and were told you were exaggerating. You were scared — but "there's nothing to be afraid of." You were tired — but "others manage." You didn't want something — but you were taught that you "have to"…

And so, little by little, you began to live not by "I want" but by "I have to." I have to endure. I have to be good. I have to cope. I have to carry it all. I have to go to this job. I have to live this life.

And the problem is that the body can't live for years in a state of inner violence without consequences.

When you constantly live by "I have to," the body begins to tighten. Muscles tense up. Spasms appear. Circulation worsens. Lymph stops flowing properly. Certain parts of the body or organs literally stop receiving proper nourishment. And that is very often where illness gradually begins to form. Not in a day — over years.

Because the body is not a machine. It can't be forced to live against itself forever. That's why it's so important to restore contact with yourself in time. To hear where you're living a life that isn't yours. Where you're enduring what has long been destroying you. Where you've grown so used to tension that you no longer even notice it.

And yes, of course, it's much easier to hear yourself before the body starts screaming with symptoms.

But even if that moment passed long ago — in most cases it's not too late.

Why changing one program can change your whole life

We're used to thinking that inner programs are just beliefs, habits or personality traits. In reality, they are much more.

Every program influences hundreds of our decisions every day. What to say and what to keep quiet about. What to agree to and what to refuse. What to consider normal. Where to stop, where to give up. Whom to trust, whom to let into your life. What not to even notice.

We didn't create most of these programs consciously. They were recorded over years: in childhood, during severe stress, in painful relationships, in moments when we drew conclusions about ourselves, other people and the world. Often they were recorded by people who themselves lived by their own programs: parents, teachers, loved ones.

Interestingly, a program almost never affects just one area of life. For example, the program "I'm not valuable enough" can show up at once in relationships, money, health, appearance, work — and even in how much joy a person allows themselves to feel.

That's why, when one truly deep program changes, dozens of daily decisions begin to change. A person barely notices it. But it's these decisions, day after day, that shape a new life script.

Now imagine that not one, but several key programs change.

In a couple of years, that can mean different health, a different body, different relationships, a different income, a different circle of people. And as a result — a completely different life.

That's why I never work with the symptom. I look for the program that created it. Because by changing the cause, we stop endlessly fighting the consequences.

Choosing yourself isn't selfish

I always teach people to choose themselves. And no — this isn't about selfishness.

Choosing yourself means you stop being the last person in your own life. It has nothing to do with "I only do what I want and I don't care about anything else."

Because very often the pattern looks like this: first the kids, the husband, work, housework, "I must," "I should." And for yourself — whatever is left.

And the body gets resources by the same principle: for recovery — whatever is left. For healing — whatever is left. For rejuvenation — whatever is left. And often nothing is left at all.

You wake up without enough sleep, maybe after anxiety — and you've already started giving. Doing something for someone, answering, solving, helping. You haven't had time to fill yourself up, yet you've already started giving yourself away.

I know more than one family with three small children where both the husband and the wife have time for themselves every day. Some in the morning, some in the evening. Yes, their household is organized differently. But the principle is the same: fill up first — then give. And I know women who live alone, have grown children and minimal obligations — and still manage to give everyone their time, attention and energy, leaving themselves for last.

So it's not about the kids, the husband or work. And not even about how much free time you have. It's about the place you hold in your own life.

When you're full, you can give a lot to others without losing yourself. When you're empty, every act of giving takes away part of the resources your body could have used on you: on your health, your recovery, your youth.

Choosing yourself doesn't mean you stop giving to others. Choosing yourself means you stop giving yourself away.

And now give yourself an honest answer: who comes first in your life today?